By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
