you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
