I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
