so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
