I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
