I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
