I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
