I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
