I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
