You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
