broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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