Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize