is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
