'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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