And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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