im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
