Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
