It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
