I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
