It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
