Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
