My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
