Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
