they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
