I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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