At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
