Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
