my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
