You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
