a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
