I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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