i jhust puked up my retainher.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
