I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
