So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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