3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
a search helicopter?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize