Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She even gives head with a lisp.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
