Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
