But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize