Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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