I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
