I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize