her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
