and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
