Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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