but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
