That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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