Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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