I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
