what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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