omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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