New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
