are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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