you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
