you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
