i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize