the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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