all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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