I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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