You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
