I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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