Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
