A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
