I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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