I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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