i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
