I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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