my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
