that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
