I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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