Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
