I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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