Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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